Through a Miscarriage

Worried Girl, Woman, Waiting, Sitting

When you’ve got a friend that has had a miscarriage there’s a lot you can do to help her. Many times we are afraid to say anything because we do not need to say the wrong thing but not saying anything at all can be just as bad. What exactly should you say and what should not you say. I’ve had three miscarriages myself and have heard a great deal of things which were just not the perfect things to say. I’ve assembled a list of items you can say and things you probably should not. Things that you should say.

Do call her and tell her you’re sorry for her loss.
Do send her a card or flowers to show you care
Do let her talk as much as she wants to or wants to.
Do offer to assist with housework, babysitting or other things that she might not feel up to doing.
Do admit her infant.
It’s fine to say I do not know what to say I do not know how to help. The pain doesn’t go away in a few days. She wants to feel like other people care about what she is experiencing.
Do ask if she would like to discuss it.
Things you shouldn’t say.

It happened early in the pregnancy until you actually got attached.
It was God’s will
I know how you feel. Even if you have had more than one miscarriage, you might not know how she’s feeling.
It was just 1 miscarriage.
I know a friend that had such and such miscarriages and she’s kids now.
It was nature’s way of eliminating defective chromosomes.
At least you’ve got one kid
I do not know why you’re so upset.
Perhaps you should consider adoption, not having kids.
Do not not talk about it. Do not avoid her.
Don’t attempt to cheer her up. She probably doesn’t need to be cheered up and in doing this you’re not acknowledging her pain.
It could be hard for her to be around children or pregnant women. But do not avoid being around her if you’re pregnant or have kids.

Do share your experience but this isn’t the time to go on about how bad things were for you.

If she does get pregnant , do not dismiss her anxiety by saying things like many women have spotting, cramping, etc.. Be optimistic but admit her fears.

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